Zack has been in a good mood over the past few days

The germinator is better. Back to his usual self and just in time for his mini break to Sussex for his second round of therapy at the Advance Centre for the Scotson Technique.

We travelled down on the Sunday. All in all it wasn't a bad journey and the hotel was really good, much better than the last place we stayed. The room was a good size, comfortable and able to accommodate Zack's entourage of gear. The boy does not travel light. During our stay all I could think about was what the hotel cleaners were thinking when they emptied the bin full of Zack's feeding syringes. I hoped that they didn't presume Zack's parents were junkies.

Zack had his little carry-cot to sleep in, we managed to settle him down for the night, he knew something wasn't quite right. We lay him on his side and he gave a quick look back and two over his shoulder almost as if to say...."Waaaait a minute, this isn't my cot at home, this isn't my bedroom..." then off to sleep he went, lulling us into a false sense of security. By 3.30am he was up and having none of this going back to sleep business so we started our first session at the Advance Centre having only had a few hours kip.

We were there for two and half days (not continuously, they did allow us back to the hotel). Zack seemed to really enjoy it, he was relaxed and allowed us to practice some of the new exercises on him with little protest.

The exercises were slightly more complicated than the first set we had learnt but by the end of the last session it all became clear. Now we are home and having done the set over the last two days, it is all very easy to understand. We even have a white-board to mark off what we have done. However the purchase of the board caused a row about who was going to draw the chart, I think the final words in the conversation came from Dan, "Well I did buy it so I should draw the chart." Pathetic isn't it.

Whilst we were in the South I discovered Dan's knack for hoarding. He was desperate to take home the hotel mini shampoos and shower gels. Now from past experience of his visits to hotels I know what happens to these little extras. They don't get taken to work for use in the showers as promised, they remain in the bathroom and get skanky and forgotten about. I refused to take any. He remarked that they were Elemis and rather nice. I still wasn't taking any home. I started packing the bag ready for our departure when Dan said, "Errrmmmm, you might notice that there are some little things that are coming home with us." He'd made a secret stash of bathroom products in the bag.......I gave up the fight.

I felt really positive when I came back from our short break. It was refreshing to go to a place where you feel that you are helping your child rather than having someone just tell you what's wrong with them without offering much support or help.

Zack has been in a good mood over the past few days, he is continuing his interest in my annoying pestering of him. This usually involves lots of kissing and talking to him in stupid voices, I'm sure he is just humouring me. The other day I came downstairs, Zack was lying on his changing mat checking out the floor as usual, I walked past, he noticed and smiled. So I stopped and said hello, and another smile, this called for a lot of kisses, Zack was no longer smiling......too much kissing.

Every day I am starting to understand Zack more and more. I know his personality and I know for definite he knows me. In his own way he is starting to interact with me and it's wonderful. I get him. Other people may see him and think he isn't doing much but they don't know him like I do, they don't get the chance to see the little expressions, the difference between contentment and annoyance but I do and that means more to me than anything in the world. I never knew that you could love another human being like this, sometimes it's so intense it's frightening. I am really fortunate to be able to love Zack for just being him. He doesn't come along with attachments of my dreams of what I might want him to achieve or gain, I don't need him to show me how clever he is, how talented he is, all he needs to do is be him and nothing more and because of this I get to love him purely for who he is, not what he does. To me, to love someone for this reason alone is a very fortunate gift.


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